Excerpted, dated 03-30-06, 7:09 a.m.

"I also dreamed I was getting married. Prior that day I swam in a chlorinated pool. It turned my face into flaking scary skin. The room where I was to be married had mold growing over the walls and smelt rank. No one realized/would do anything about it. I looked bad in my dress because I was bloated. I was putting on eyeliner and my father started to yell at me, saying it looked terrible. I begged my mother to tell him that yes, it was ok, I could wear charcoal grey eyeliner. She would not defend my choice. I was in tears. Many people were there, none were offering me any kind of comfort. I was rushing about in my wedding gown, big, awkward, bulky, feeling fat and ugly and unwanted and unloved.

I woke up feeling sad and strange.

Then I had to UN airlift food to France's starving populace and that made me happy. If I didn't feel like death on toast, I would be very excited about life, today, and the weekend.