Fame in my Future...

I knew he used to live in these apartments. Common legend of the building holds that he lived upstairs, in 3 or maybe 7. I actually used to work with his cousin, Dina Fogle, and she was the one that tipped me off that Jared's "walk to Subway" had merely been out his front door. It had made me laugh a lot.

Then, yesterday, a postcard came in the mail from some putt-putt place in town. It was addressed to
"Current Resident or Jared Fogle"
blank blank blank Apt #1
blank blank blank etc.
JARED FOGLE LIVED IN APARTMENT NUMBER ONE! He lived HERE, showered in our shower, cooked on the stove, stained our carpet of doom. HE MIGHT EVEN HAVE HAD SEX IN MY BEDROOM eweewewewewwew. yuck. k. no more of that.

I'd like to note that the only Subway product I've bought is a soda. I don't keep it around the house, but every now and again, I want it. These days they've started to melt cheese all over that classic bread; resisting has been difficult. The worst part of the set-up is that the building laundry room in the basement smells like Subway concentrate, Eau de Subway. Maybe that's why I can't eat anything from there. Or maybe it's the fat and glossy roaches and mice they thoughtfully leak to my apartment when I leave the door open to catch a better breeze.